Guy Winch PH.D., internationally recognized speaker and practicing psychologist, says “venting our anger by assaulting benign objects to let off steam only serves to reinforce our aggressive urges”. Research says this is seriously not helpful.
In his book, Emotional First Aid , Guy Winch suggests the most effective strategy for regulating our emotions such as anger involves reframing the event in our minds so that we change its meaning to one that is less infuriating!
Check out his website: http://www.guywinch.com he’s amazing and his books are a real easy read with lots of practical tips that have the potential to help you.
Here’s step by step reframing by Guy Winch.
Even though it may not be easy at first, it is so worth a try because it stops you from ruminating and also helps you to let go the anger on the inside which is only damaging one person – that would be you! Here are the tips:
1. Find the positive intention in the event that happened to you.
2. Identify the opportunity the event actually created for you.
3. Embrace [rather than resist] the learning moment.
4. View the offending person as needing spiritual help. [Boy there’s a lot of them around!]
Here’s Brigitte Hyacinth’s Linkedin:
She was rejected for an internal position she applied for even though she knew she was the best candidate for the job. The person that was selected didn’t end up working out and Brigitte went on to a bigger and better job! The way Brigitte reframed what happened was that she was happily “redirected” to find a bigger and better job so it worked out in her favour at the end.
And here’s an example from me:
Questions come naturally to me. Goes with the territory of being a researcher. To never assume is a good thing right? Well the interview panel that interviewed me, and it wasn’t that long ago, did not agree with this sentiment. So I wasn’t off to a great start.
The feedback I got was: You didn’t get selected because: “You Asked A Question of A Question!” Wow I was stunned. Don’t you want your employees to ask questions and to not act blindly? And really demonstrate that they were listening to the questions?
So here’s how I reframed the event:
• Its great I got to see the culture of the organization in operation during the interview
• It clearly goes against the work environment to ask questions
• It allowed me to become very clear about my values and the ingredients I need in a work environment
• Critical thinking and questioning is a non-negotiable in my values toolkit
• We both dodged a bullet because I wasn’t a good fit for the organization and vice a versa!
• Even though I wasn’t selected for a senior leadership position, I am so grateful that’s what happened because I ended up going out into my own business and dipping my toe into a totally new work environment and adventure!
An additional TIP:
Culture is all about how we think, act and interact, Jason Barger www.jasonvbarger.com. Great way of knowing what working in a place will be like. Purposefully look for these signs when you’re being interviewed.